Ho Ho Hum

I've figured out why this years holiday seems more stressfull than normal. Usually it's not so much stressful, as fast paced and exciting! This year I feel like we just don't have enough money or time.

This is my first year to not work retail during the holidays. In the past I would work the day after Thanksgiving and it would switch "go mode" on in my brain, or something. I would be go go going until I dropped early February when things calmed down again, and I actually enjoyed it! I LOVED being so busy at work, it was like an adrenaline rush and it was fun. This year I go to work and nothing is different, I come home and it's go go go time and my brain is still on checking email at work time!

Also, this is our first Christmas without Mamaw. She was always there to vent to and to make ends meet when they just didn't quite. I really miss her and I forgot to go to a special Hospice Ceremony for her on Sunday which made me feel really crappy.

Another thing is, Wendy is stressed. When both friends are stressed there isn't a friend to balance them out. We are on an uphill road. We really just need to get with Lori and scrap our brains out untill we get all of our bad energy out, but there just isn't time until well, maybe February! We are going to be BALD by then!! For the first time in my life I can actually say that I'm ready for the holidays to be over. I can't believe I'm saying it, but I am. So sad.

Brian has been a tyrant lately. I finally broke down and called my dad. I asked him if there was anything he could do, like pull favors or something, to get him back on his medicine. He's going to give me some numbers to call. I'll have to pay for the "evaluation" which is around $50(which we don't have) but he can get us into a program that will help with the medication until Brian gets the railroad job and our insurance kicks in. I told him this morning that I had found something that might help us with the cost and would he please go to the eval if we could afford his meds. He said he didn't know because he is still in a bit of denial that anything is wrong. Then, we're watching ESPN and this story comes on about a football player that lost everything because he was Bi-Polar and he couldn't control himself. It was like God put that story on just for him. He just looked at me and snickered, like well, that was weird. Hopefully he took it to heart and didn't think well, I'm not THAT crazy and I would never do that! We'll see.